It was the best of times for one, and easily the worst of times for the other. And yet, with a little more information, some personal background, one is unlikely to guess which of the two is truly getting the rotten end of the deal. I, myself, never gave it much thought until last night because I had figured it was a pointless comparison to make.
Rose* and Michelle*, both in their mid-twenties, are less than two months apart in age. They attended the same high school in an affluent Southern California suburb, although their respective families were very mindful of their money in order to scrape by. Rose and Michelle were both good students and athletes, continuing their education in exclusive private colleges after graduation. Coincidentally, though due to very different circumstances, they were forced to leave their respective schools prematurely. This is where the similarities between these two ladies end.
Rose is the sixth of seven siblings who lived in a household with little rules and vague boundaries for the children to abide by. She always described it as being chaotic, with people and pets swarming every corner of their quaint homes. For as far back as she could recall, her parents were estranged and they eventually divorced after accusations of infidelity. Rose made the conscious decision to cut communication with her father after secrets of more serious transgressions had surfaced.
Michelle, on the other hand, is the youngest of two girls from an inter-racial marriage. The rules to abide by were clear and firm, founded by her mother's own traditional upbringing and need to protect her daughters from the lax American society. Though they were raised very differently, Michelle's parents made a good team. The hot-tempered wife entered the workforce and served as the family's bred-winner while her mild-mannered husband played Mr. Mom during his remission from cancer. Both Michelle and her older sister adored him. She shared his love of sports and he was ever-present at all her matches.
It is easy to see which of the two ladies in this story started off with an advantage for the future. One would assume that Michelle's life sets her up for a more prosperous adult life and Rose, with all her baggage, would have too much to carry to ever find peace. But incidentally, that is not the case.
After many years of fighting the current that hindered her, Rose is in a good place. Today, she boasts the possession of a college degree as well as a full-time managerial position at the retail store she has worked at for several years. She also serves as a volunteer at a women's shelter and is in a healthy and thriving relationship with a man she cares for deeply. Despite the obstacles of her youth, Rose has finally found a smoother path to take. One that allows her to rest with greater ease. Unfortunately, Michelle's roller coaster has only just begun to pick up speed.
Her older sister was pregnant at the age of 16 and shortly after Michelle graduated high school, she was already an aunt to two young nieces with different fathers. Although the unexpected additions were welcomed into the family as blessings, it did come at a price. Money was even more scarce, as both fathers had relinquished all rights to their children in one way or another. Michelle found herself with the added obligation of baby-sitting and even though she was more than willing to help out, the additional responsibilities limited her social life: a vital aspect of the college experience.
Tragedy struck suddenly when the dormant cancer had become active in her father's body again a few years ago. The strain and worry of the diagnosis and medical treatments were enough to plunge the whole family into physical and emotional deterioration. Sadly, Michelle's father - her hero and best friend - lost his battle in the summer of 2011. But instead of alleviating tension within the family, it only brought on more stress. And just a few months ago, after an argument with their widowed mother, Michelle's older sister walked out, leaving her two daughters behind. The girls have not heard their mother's voice nor seen her face since the New Year.
Currently, Michelle is still attempting to finish her coursework at the local community college before she can enter a nursing program. She is the one who sends her nieces off to school every morning and rushes home from class to pick them up each afternoon. With her mother still working many hours and enduring a brutal commute to support their family, Michelle also chauffers the girls to extra-curricular activities and prepares dinner for them almost every night - duties of her father many years ago. She rarely has time for herself, much less the energy to pursue bonds with her peers. For as long as I have known her, Michelle has never had a boyfriend.
And if it couldn't get any worse, Michelle accompanied her mother to the hospital this morning for a biopsy to be done on a lump discovered in her breast. I cannot even begin to fathom what thoughts and feelings are going through her head and heart. No words of support will sound reassuring enough to her at this point. Perhaps ever. So what I feel now is expressed in silent prayer and I can only hope that she looks to heaven for an outlet and source of comfort. Because at the very least, she is guaranteed her father's presence there.
What a humbling lesson it has been for me to witness life work in these two women and attempt to grasp the logic in the inexplicable... and accept my responsibility to rejoice with Rose's brightening horizon while holding Michelle's hand through whatever lurks ahead. Because in moments of realization such as these, I come to understand that my wisdom is neither fleeting nor permanent, but non-existent altogether.
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* names have been changed to retain the anonimity of each woman
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